New Year's Resolutions
by kimiko888
Summary: I am definitely getting in shape. And I'm definitely going to get a job. And I am going to write the best book the world has ever seen. And I am going to stop cursing so much. This year, I'm going to be a Leah people are jealous of. AU. Blackwater
1. Getting in Shape

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**Okay, this was going to be a one shot, but I liked the flow better if I just chopped this into different chapters. But, this is all going to be published in one day, hopefully before the official start of year 2011 and I just decided to start posting the first parts of the story now, while I worked on finishing up. It's Blackwater, because Jacob and Leah kick ass and I hope yiou enjoy!**

**New Year's Resolutions**

_January 1, 2011_

New year, new me—that's my mantra for this year. I'm tired of being looked at as the wicked bitch whose dad died and got dumped by her fiancé. No, this year things are going to change. I'm not going to curse out everybody every time I get pissed off and then go get drunk senseless at the first bar I stumble across. I'm going to transform into the type of woman everybody is jealous of. And then I'm going to turn around and shove it in their faces.

New Leah—no, _changed _Leah is going to be somebody that is just… awesome. The world is going to kiss the ground I walk on.

The first step to changing: working out.

Working out is a supposedly great way to relieve stress and it can also help you calm down so I am hitting the gym this year. And once my body is toned to perfection I won't be so reluctant to flaunt it. Not that I'm going to go out and buy mini skirts and shirts that reveal my stomach, but shopping for a bathing suit won't be so dreadful this year.

"Would you like to sign up for a membership?" The fat man (why is a fat man working at a gym? It just seems a little ironic to me) behind the counter asked. "I can get you signed up and then give you a tour around the place and have you try out a couple machines."

"Okay, how much is a membership?" Oh, look at that. I am being _polite. _Watch out, the world may come to a sudden end in ten seconds. Ten… nine…

"Well, it depends on what kind of plan you want." Eight... seven... "We have family plans and-" six... five...

"What's your cheapest plan?" Four... three…

"Well, our cheapest plan would be 90 dollars a month."

Two... one.

Well look at that; I can be polite and not have buildings crashing down on—

"90 dollars! What kind of gym is this, Rob-You-Broke?" I was actually trying to get a membership at Gold's Gym since I knew Sam and Emily had memberships at the Y and I was trying to avoid them (It's hard to make a change when I want to slam their faces into walls every time I see them). Now I'm starting to think it's called Gold's Gym for a reason. "Does this place only cater to the fucking rich and famous?"

Fuck, I cursed and not even for a good cause. Might as well cross _Reduce cursing _off my resolutions list.

"I-I'm sorry ma'am, but that's just the cost. I'm only—"

"Whatever," I hissed, annoyed that I couldn't get in. Just another group of people I wasn't allowed to join. And then I was even more annoyed at myself for actually being bothered by a stupid _gym _membership. It's not the fucking country club. "I don't need fancy equipment to get in shape."

-x-

Not having money was only a minor set back in my plans. I can still buy dumb bells for cheap at the store. And I could go for a run around my neighborhood. And I could do sit-ups without some complicated machine. And if it really came down to it, I'll buy one of those retarded workout tapes and get nice and sweaty in my living room.

I decided to start with sit-ups. I could do 100 normal sit-ups and then about 25 on each side. When I was twelve I could 80 sit-ups in one minute so it shouldn't take me too long. Hell, thirteen years later I should get this stuff done in…

I'll get it done.

"Forty-five," I wheezed out as my back lifted off the floor and my core muscles squeezed together. "Forty-six… Forty-seven…" _Too… tired… "_Forty-eight…" _must… _"Forty-nine…" _Quit!_

I gasped when my back hit the floor again and I refused to get back up. I rolled over onto my stomach and reveled in the feeling of being able to just lay there like a log. I'll probably be here for a while. I definitely should have stopped after thirty when I realized I was getting tired.

I stretched my hand out to the side and grabbed the notebook and pen I had written my resolutions down in. I ran a straight line through _Get in shape._

I'll worry about that when I actually get fat.


	2. Getting a Job

_January 15, 2011_

Step two in changing: get a job

If I'm able to get a job it proves that my attitude has really changed for the better because you can't go cursing out your new boss and get a job. If I can sit here and don't tell this little fuck that I think he's a dumbass prick and that I'm going to force his head into his desk if he looks at my chest one more time, it just proves to everybody that I'm no longer Leah, the Wicked Bitch.

"As my assistant, what are you going to do for me?"

"Not bend over your desk and let you ram you dick into me, that's for sure." His eyebrows shot up and I mentally slapped myself. I have to learn to think before I speak. "I mean…"

"I think we're done here, Ms. Clearwater."

-x-

_January 18, 2011_

I got a job.

"Would you like ketchup or any sauce with your meal?"

"Wow Leah," Jacob laughed, taking his McDonalds bag out of my hand. "I never thought I'd ever see you asking something with so much… mannerism."

Jacob Black is the peanut butter to my pickle. The two would, without a doubt, taste horrible together, and yet they're still together. Jacob and I have known each other for years and we fight like cats and dogs, but he still comes over to my apartment to eat up my food and I still go over to his house to get my car fixed. We have actually managed to share a few friendly moments over the years.

I looked over my shoulder to make sure my manager wasn't breathing down my neck before I stuck my head out the window so Jake would be able to hear me without the rest of the staff catching on to my mistreatment of a customer.

"Listen here, asshole," I hissed I leaned in close to Jake's car, "If you so much as even hint to anybody else that I'm working here I will tie you to my fucking wall and throw knives at you for stress relief."

"It's a little too late for a warning, Leah." Jake pointed behind him and I saw Embry sitting in the driver's seat in the car behind Jake. "Everybody we know is already wrapped around the building waiting to see you."

I stuck my head back inside and slammed the window shut, flipping Jake the bird before he finally pulled off, still laughing. I then abandoned my spot at the drive-thru window to look for my manager.

"Excuse me sir?" I took my hat off when I finally found him in the kitchen. "Yeah, I quit."


	3. Write a Book

_January 20, 2011_

Step three to changing: write a book

This book was going to be amazing and it will make best sellers list easy. Once I publish this book on my life-story (my life is filled with so much drama, I could be the one inspiration for a soap opera) I won't need to worry about getting a job because the whole world is going to be rushing to the stores to buy my book.

I stared at my laptop screen waiting for inspiration to hit.

…

…

…

Writer's block is a bitch.


	4. I Will Not Bitch and Moan

_February 12, 2011_

Step seventeen (a lot got crossed off in 24 days) to changing: do not bitch and moan about the month of love.

"It's absolute fucking bullshit," I said as I dug my spoon into my tub of ice cream that Jake had brought over today. He finally got some sense to bring _something _over as contribution for me feeding his fat ass 24/7. "That Bella bitch is honestly not worth wasting your time over," I told Jacob, shoving more ice cream into my mouth. Maybe I should be letting him have some since he did come here all broken up about stupid shit like love…

Nah.

Bella is a bitch. And not the Leah kind of bitch (mean and hateful), but the selfish kind of bitch that acts like she wants the best for everybody, but she's really just making things so it all works out for her in the end.

Here's the short story: Jacob tells Bella he loves her even though she's been dating this Edward character for two years. Bella tells Jacob she loves him too. Jacob gets happy. Bella then tells Jacob that he can't make her chose between him and Edward because it'll always be Edward. Always.

But, you see, she told Jake she loved him so if Edward were to get in some tragic accident and died, she's always got Jakey here as a back-up because this idiot will probably still be clinging on to hope that she'llgo back on her word and love him more than that Edward creep.

I really wanted to tell Jacob I told you so, because I warned him the second he brought up Bella's name. Of course, he just brushed me off because he figured I was just being cynical since I did just get dumped by my fiancé (for my fucking cousin. Did I mention that? Talk about family bonds; we're so close we share our boyfriends!), but look where it got him? On my couch, sulking.

I'm telling you, Leah knows best.

"Love is just another word for misery," I went on, "and some fools are just stupid enough to buy into it. We fell for it once, but now we know and there's no way in hell we're falling for it again." I looked over at Jake for reassurance. "Right?"

"If the right person comes along…"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I shouted, throwing my hands up. "You just got your heart completely stomped all over two days before fucking Valentine's Day—the worst day of the whole fucking year—and you're telling me you're _okay _with falling in love again? Did you hit your fucking head on something?"

"I thought you weren't going to curse as much."

"I crossed that off my list the first damn day of the new year," I waved off. "But do you get what I'm saying? You really shouldn't be so optimistic about this."

"I get why _you're _telling me this," Jake said, looking at me out of the corner his eye. "You got dumped in the worst possible way so of course you're going to discourage me from finding love again, but the thing is I don't listen to everything you say."

"I'm your elder; you should take everything I say to heart!"

"By two years Leah," Jake sighed. He really hated it when I brought up the fact that I was older than him. "And you've made more stupid mistakes than me. Seriously, Sam Uley? He was the biggest player all throughout our lives."

And I was the biggest idiot for thinking that he would change for me. I mean, how many other girls did he date that he actually proposed to? None. And I was so stupid to think that I was the one to tame him, so full of myself that I was all he needed that I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was fucking my cousin behind my back. And just to avoid ever going through that heart break and humiliation again, I am never falling in love again.

"And I learn from my mistakes," I concluded, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. "And you should too."

"Your mistake was falling for the wrong person, not falling in love."

Hopeless romantics seriously piss me off.

"I need a drink," I declared, tossing the tub of ice cream on my coffee table. We were about to have own of our friend moments and I didn't feel like having a deep moment with Jake today. "Let's go to the bar."

"I thought you weren't going to bars anymore."

"I broke that resolution last week."


	5. Forget About Sam and Emily

_March 18, 2011_

The twenty-third step to changing: forget about Sam and Emily

The key to forgetting somebody is to forgive them so you no longer have a reason to think about them, so that's the way I'm going to approach this little problem here. And if I'm able to forgive them successfully, then that just shows the world that I'm not a wicked bitch anymore.

But, of course, that fucking bastard had the nerve to propose to Emily today. _Today! _He probably forgot what today would have been. Of course he forgot, he never remembered in the first place.

Today was our anniversary. Today was the day he first kissed me, five years ago.

Sam was the type of idiot to add salt to a wound.

I shook my spray can again and hurried and sprayed the last two letters on the side of Sam and Emily's house. I took a step back and admired my work with my flashlight.

_BURN IN HELL_

Well, I think it looks _fantastic. _It does an amazing job of capturing my feelings for the happy couple in just three short words. And I just killed two birds with one stone; I failed at dealing with my anger in a rational way _and _forgiving and forgetting Sam and Emily. I am a really efficient person.

Now, I should get out of here before somebody—

"Stop!" Headlights suddenly lit up behind me and I could see my handy work clearly now. It was a little crooked. "Drop the spray can and put your hands above your head!"

When did the fucking cops get here? I bet they were sitting there the whole time, just waiting for me to finish. Assholes. I put my hands above my head anyways. I wonder if you can get any serious time for vandalism…

One of the cops came up behind me and grabbed my arm roughly and shoved it behind my back, fastening a metal bracelet around my wrist. I have a big thing against being manhandled so this guy is _really _lucky he's a government official because he would have been eating grass right now.

The cop told me my rights as he started pulling me away from the house.

"I get one phone call, right?"

"I wouldn't talk right now if I were you."

I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes. Asshole.

I looked back over my shoulder to see Sam and Emily now standing outside in their pajamas and reading what I had wrote in giant letters on the side of their house. Sam gave me the dirtiest look he could muster. Emily was crying.

Good. She deserved to cry.

-x-

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I see you got my voicemail," I said, ignoring Jake's first question. "It took you long enough to get here."

"Yeah, well it wasn't exactly easy gathering up money for your bail," Jake hissed as he stormed out the police station ahead of me, marching towards his car. "I'm not fucking rich, Leah!"

"I'll pay you back." I walked over to the passenger's side of Jake's car and pulled on the handle, but the car was locked. I looked over at Jake. "Unlock the car."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Because I can?"

"Damnit Leah," Jake hissed, rounding the hood and coming to stand in front of me. He was pissed. "Why'd you have to fuck their lives up! They were happy and you just came and—"

"Why is it okay for Sam to fuck with my life, but I'm an evil bitch when I strike back? Huh!" I shouted and Jake looked shocked. "Why do I have to sit around in my god damn misery and they get to be one happy couple? Why? I'm not the fucking bad guy, Jake, Sam is! Emily is! They are!"

_They are, they are, they are!_ It was a fucking chant going off in my head that justified my actions. They screwed up my life first, they made me miserable first. Did they really think I was just going to sit there and let them be happy while I was… while I was _miserable! _I'm not the kind of person who just sits around and cries about losing the love of her life; I take action.

"Leah…"

"Take me home," I bit out, looking away from Jake. He was offering me his pity and I don't need his pity. I need to be alone to wallow in my misery.

"I can't."

"Why not?" I snapped, glaring at him.

"I can't let you be alone right now."

I ran the back of my hand under my eyes to wipe away the tears before they had a chance to fall.

I really hate these "friend" moments with Jake.


	6. Apologize

_March 31, 2011_

Resolution (because I don't believe it's going to change me) 31: Apologize.

I sat down in the grass in front of the tombstone and just stared at it. I haven't visited him once since he passed away. I didn't even come to his funeral because I was so mad at him for dying and leaving me behind.

Ten years is a long time to abandon your father.

"Hi Dad," I mumbled. I could already feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. "It's been a really long time, hasn't it?"

What am I doing? Was I seriously sitting out here in the rain talking to my _dead _father? Was he even going to be able to hear me? This is so stupid. I'm trying to make amends for everything I did wrong when dad was alive, but what good is it really going to do me now that he's dead? There isn't a point for me to be here; I'm too late.

But I kept on talking.

"I'm 25 now and I'm trying to piece together my life." I sniffed loudly and ran my hand under my nose. "Yeah, for New Year's Eve I made this really long list of things I'm going to do to change and so far I haven't done any of them. I'm just a failure like that." I laughed to keep from sobbing. "At first I thought I could really do it, change that is, but now… It's really hard to change who you are in a short amount of time."

I was quiet, waiting for something to happen. I wasn't really expecting him to say anything back, but maybe there would be a sudden gust of wind that worked as a sign to tell me he heard me. Nothing happened.

"Well, I-I came here with Jake," I started. Jake was kind enough to stay in the car so I could have an emotional breakdown without anyone watching. "You always liked Jake even though he's really an asshole. But he's not a complete asshole, I guess. He's been helping me out a lot ever since I got arrested for vandalism. Yeah, I still have a really mean spiteful spirit."

I just sat there again, staring at the markings on Dad's grave as the rain drenched me.

_Henry Clearwater_

_Beloved Father and Husband_

_1964-2001_

"I'm sorry Dad," I sobbed, my words getting caught in my through for a second before it all came rushing out before I could think. "I'm sorry for telling you I hated you so much and never saying I loved you because I thought it was stupid. I'm sorry for brushing you off so many times. I'm sorry for that one time I ran away that one time and had you worried and then called you a stupid bastard when you found me. I'm sorry about all those times I secretly wished I would die so you guys would mourn my death. I'm so sorry about that because…" I ran my hand under my nose again and sniffed loudly choking out, "it's not fun to miss somebody."

And then I just cried. I cried and sobbed and snot dripped from my nose. The rain soaked through my clothes and chilled my skin, but I kept crying. I curled up into a ball on my dad's grave and cried so hard that my whole body shook.

"I miss you Daddy," I mumbled through my tears as my fingers curled into the grass. "I miss you so much."

When I didn't feel the rain hitting me anymore, but still heard it falling, I knew Jake had found me. Part of me wanted to be pissed that he was seeing me when I was in a weak moment, but I another part of me was glad he was here.


	7. Perform a Nice Gesture

_April 15, 2011_

Step forty-five to changing: perform a nice gesture for someone

There was a very easy way to get around the problem that I am incapable of being nice, no matter how hard I try. It's called, telling off your best friend's enemy.

I reached up and knocked on the door in front of me and took a step back. I thought a long time about just playing ding dong ditch and leaving a burning bag of shit on her porch, but I wouldn't get the satisfactory if I just had to run away before I could see the look on her face. And burning shit bags are elementary school level. Adults curse people out in to their face.

The door started to open and I tried really hard to school my features into one of indifference.

A girl with dark brown hair that fell over her shoulder and pale skin stepped out and looked me up and down. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm Leah. Jake's friend."

"Jake?"

Was she seriously going to be this stupid?

"Jacob Black," I deadpanned.

"Oh. Oh!" The girl blinked and smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I don't call Jacob by his nickname so I didn't know who you were talking about at first."

I really hated girls that only use guy's full names. It always seemed like they thought they were better or more special because they didn't use nicknames. The pissed me off.

"Oh my God," Bella gasped, putting her hand to her mouth. "Is he okay?"

"He's f—"

"It's just that in February he… we…" She looked down at her feet looking sad, but I didn't buy into her act for a minute. "I might have really hurt him. I told him some things that might have been hard and lately he hasn't talked to me since then so…" She took a deep breath and looked up at me. "I just hope he's not depressed."

I almost laughed. "_Depressed?"_

Was this girl full of herself or what?

"Yeah, I mean, Jacob really loved me and though I love him—and I really love him, I just…" she sighed. "I love Edward more. Edward is just…"

I'm going to punch her. I just realized that I don't have enough information to really tell her off to the point where she's crying, but I can always just punch her and leave as soon as I'm done. This girl is way too fragile to even attempt to fight back and if her stupid boyfriend, Edward comes out here I'll just take him on too.

I honestly can't believe Jake wasted his time with this girl. Couldn't he see that she was the best actress on earth? If I wasn't programmed to see through straight people's bull shit I might almost buy this crap. But I can see through bull shit and the fact that she was trying to fool me just pissed me off.

"Will you tell him I'm sorry?" She asked, fake sincerity looking very believable in her eyes. "I just don't want him to regret—"

The way her head flew back when my fist connected with her nose made me want to laugh out loud. It was so unexpected for her that the way I completely caught her off guard made my day.

"What the _hell?" _She asked, clutching her nose. "What did I—"

"As part of my plans to change this year I had to perform a nice gesture for someone, so I thought punching a bitch for my friend since he can't do it would suffice." I took a step off her porch. "Jake doesn't know about this, but ever since he started talking about you I _really _didn't like you."

Bella just stared at me shocked. God, I just _love _when I get the best of people.

"E-Edward!" Bella called out, running back into her house to get her boyfriend. "Edward!"

I ran back to my car and hopped in, starting the engine and flying out of there.

-x-

"Leah!" Jake shouted when he stepped into my house. Last month we gave each other keys to our houses because we are actually now really good friends. Best friends, really, but I hate all those sappy titles. "What the hell did you do?"

"I completed number 45 on my list," I told him, flipping through channels.

"Was it punch a girl in the face?" Jake shouted walking towards me until he towered over where I was stretched out on the couch. "You _broke _Bella's nose!"

I do pack a powerful punch.

"That would not be changing who I am," I pointed out, digging my hand into the bag of chips that were resting on my stomach. "I was performing a nice gesture for someone."

"Who?"

"You, stupid." Jake looked confused. "It's not like you can hit a girl."

"I didn't _want _to hit Bella."

"Nonsense; Of course you wanted to hit Bella." Everybody wants to punch the shit out of someone who broke their heart. "You just didn't know it yet. Trust me, Leah knows best."

"Leah is irrational and stupid!" Jake shouted. "You could have been put on assault charges."

"I think you're missing the point here." I sat up and Jake sat down at the end of my couch. "I did something _nice _for _you._"

"Punching somebody in the face isn't really nice."

"The meaning behind my punch was nice."

"Leah—"

"Just say thank you already so we can move on."

Jake tilted his head back and stared up at my ceiling. "You are a mess," he mumbled, but I could see him trying to fight a smile. "Thanks."


	8. Have a Real Birthday Party

_June 6, 2011_

The Fiftieth step to changing: have an actual birthday party

"Where is everyone?" Jake asked as he stepped into my kitchen where the store bought cake was resting on the counter.

"They're here," I replied absently over my shoulder as I searched for a knife. "I invited everybody worth inviting this year."

"I'm the only one here."

"Guess that means you're the only one I give a damn about." I turned back around to cut the cake only to find Jake smiling at me. And it wasn't the friendly kind of smile I was used to getting from him it was…

_Nope, _I told myself, shaking my head. _I'm not even going there._

"So, what did you get me?" I asked, after cutting us both a giant chunk out of the cake. I picked up gift bag and started removing the tissue paper.

"I think you're going to like it," Jake said with a smile.

I got tired of moving tissue paper out of the way and flipped the bag over dumping everything out on my table.

A bikini.

"Because I _know _you've been doing intense ab workouts every morning," Jake laughed as I stared dumbfounded at his gift.

"Get the fuck out of my house."


	9. Go to Church

_July 13, 2011_

Step number sixty to changing: go to church.

I never really went to a church as a child because my family did a lot of praying together at home, but I am about _change. _And since I didn't do much the first six months this year, I'm going to go to church this Sunday.

I rolled over in bed to see what time it was, and why the hell I set my fucking alarm. It was 10:30. I had to be at church by 11:15. I had gotten home around four after a night of drinking and partying with Jake and Embry and my head was _killing _me.

No, I don't think God will be happy with me if I show up to church hung over. And I'll be too pissed about my headache to even listen to the sermon. It's best if I just stay home this week because I'm sure it's better to not go at all than not go and be a bitch about the entire experience.

I'll go to church next Sunday.

-x-

_July 20, 2011_

I don't have any church clothes and I'm not going to roll up there in just my jeans and t-shirt.

I'll go next Sunday.

-x-

_July 27, 2011_

Dear God,

Don't hate me, but I am really tired. I was out late drinking again (please give me the strength to stop going to bars) and I just _can't _get up. But next Sunday, God, next Sunday I'm going to make it to church and praise all that you have done for me.

Love,  
Leah

-x-

_August 3, 2011_

Sam and Emily are probably going to be in church and I don't want to start a fight in the house of God. And my bed is really comfortable.

Next Sunday, for sure.

-x-

_August 10, 2011_

I'm crossing going to church off my list.


	10. Give out Hallowen Candy

_October 31, 2011_

Improve Leah step number seventy-one: give out Halloween candy

I don't give out Halloween candy because I hate having to get up and down to answer the door. And I hate actually buying candy because if you get the cheap kind of candy the neighborhood kids talk shit about you for the rest of the year and then you've established a bad reputation. And there are a few little shitheads that like to pull the trick part of trick-or-treat, and I don't want to put up with that crap.

But that was old Leah, and this is new Leah gives out Halloween candy. Nice neighbors give out candy and I'm tired of being looked at like a bitch by the neighbors so I'm giving out candy.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked from his spot at my kitchen table. He was finishing carving a pumpkin

"I'm preparing for Halloween," I answered, pouring fun size Snickers into a large bowl that was already filled with Starburst, Skittles, Hershey Kisses, and Sour Patch Kids.

"Yeah, but what's up with the sign?" Jake asked, pointing to the sign I taped to the front of the bowl. "One handful, please?" Jake looked up at me with raised brows.

"I'm going to put it out on my porch for the kids to just pick from."

"Why don't you just get up and give it to the kids?"

"That requires work."

"Aren't you trying to change? I don't think just setting a bowl of candy out on your porch is really a big change from the old Leah."

"I bought the candy," I shrugged as I finished filling up my bowl. "You have to take these things one step at a time."

"You don't seriously think they're only going to take one handful do you? These are sugar-craving kids; the first group that comes to your house is going to clean you out."

"We'll just see about that."

"Whatever." Jake stood up and stretched his arms above his head and I studied his physique. HE was tall, tan, and muscular. And absolute 10 in my book.

I've been checking out Jake way too much lately.

"Do you like my Jack-o-lantern?" Jake turned around to show me what he had been spending all week working on.

"You stunk my house up with the smell of pumpkin and only have that to for it?" I wasn't even over exaggerating either; Jake _cannot _carve a pumpkin. "It's hideous."

"You were my inspiration." Jake smiled at me and he was very lucky that the only thing that was near me was a knife, and I actually cared too much to throw it at him.

-x-

_Same day_

I watched as the little shitheads snuck up to my house and almost rang my doorbell before they saw bowl of candy. Instantly their eyes got bright and they started shoving handfuls of candy into their bags, laughing and calling me stupid for just leaving candy on my porch.

I really hate the kids in this neighborhood.

I adjusted the hat that was on my head and grabbed my broom before throwing my door open to glare down at the three boys who thought it was funny to disregard my sign.

"Alright dumbasses," I hissed, lifting my broom just a bit as if I was going to hit them with it (the thought was tempting though). "Since you little fuckers can't read, I'll tell you what the sign says." They looked up at me like I was crazy and maybe I was for dressing up like a witch and cursing at three ten year olds. "One handful for each person. Now give me my fucking candy back and get your asses off of my property."

They dropped their candy bags and ran off screaming down my walk way.

This is definitely my last year of giving out candy.


	11. Go Caroling

_December 20, 2011_

Step 89 to changing: Go caroling

Only the happiest and brightest people go caroling around Christmastime, and to find some good spirit in me I'm going caroling this year.

"Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh! Over the fields we go, laughing all the way! Ha ha ha! Bells on bobtail ring making spirits rise, what fun it is to ride and on a sleighing song tonight! Oh…" I can't do this. "Open the damn window already, Jake!" I shouted, stomping my foot. "It's fucking snowing out here!"

There was no way in hell I was actually going to go around the neighborhood singing when one, I can't sing. And two, the only song I know is Jingle Bells. I decided to fulfill my New Year's resolution I was going to just piss Jake off with my singing. Which pretty much takes away the meaning of caroling…

The window to Jake's room slid open and I ran across the small space that separated myself from his window and climbed in. I've been coming to his house a lot lately and sneaking through his window since I lost my keys. I can't exactly remember how it started - staying at Jake's - but it just felt right sometimes, being in Jake's room, drinking hot chocolate and sharing a blanket.

"You sounded like a dying cat," Jake mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "I was about to shoot you to put you out of your misery."

"I'm glad to know you think so much of my attempt to have some holiday spirit." I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. "It's freezing outside."

"Maybe if you put a coat on it wouldn't be so cold outside." Jake walked over to his closet and tossed me one of his hoodies to put on over my jacket. I don't wear coats because I just don't like them. It's pretty simple to understand.

"Thanks," I mumbled shoving my arms through the sleeves. "I don't think I'm programmed to be a cheery, holiday person. I can't stand those type of people."

"And yet you're trying to be one of them." Jake shook his head as he walked back over to his bed. He lifted a corner of his comforter and waited for me to slide in. "Hurry up and get in here so I could go to bed."

Starting two months ago Jake and I developed a system for sleeping in the same bed. There was about a foot between us at all times and we faced the opposite direction. We never wake up huddled together like they do in movies and there is nothing really special shared when we're in bed together. We sleep.

It doesn't matter if sometimes I get the thought to roll over into him and feel his body heat against me, his arms wrapped around me, because those are just thoughts. They don't mean anything if I don't act on them. And I'm pretty sure the only reason I even think those thoughts is because I'm 26 years old and I haven't been laid in three years.

Next New Year's Eve I'm putting _Get laid _at the very top of my resolutions list.


	12. Be a Good Sport during Christmas

_December 25, 2011_

Step 95 to changing: be a good sport this year at Christmas

Last year I pretty much ruined the Christmas party at my mom's house because I got caught under the mistletoe with Sam (I don't even know _why _my mom invited him) and I flipped out. I cursed everyone, even my mom out, and then stormed outside, ripping down as many decorations as I could on my way out.

This year, I'm going to be a good sport. If I get caught under the mistletoe with someone I'm not going to flip out. I'm going to smile and try very hard to vomit in the guy's mouth. Mom also didn't invite Sam this year, so there will be a lot less drama. But I was also drinking a lot of sparkling cider with Jake, just in case I needed the alcohol to keep me mellow.

"Mom!" Seth shouted, catching me off guard. God, why was he always so _loud? _"Jake and Leah are under the mistletoe!"

Well, I did plan to be a good sport this year.

I took Jake's face in my hands and smashed my lips against his. The sparks the tingled my lips and the shiver that went down my spine had nothing to do with the fact that I was kissing Jake. I was _drunk. _

And just to prove that to myself, I turned around and kissed the closest person to me the exact same way I kissed Jake.

It was my uncle.

I went upstairs and washed my mouth out with soap and didn't come back out for the next two days.


	13. Happy New Years

_January 31, 2011_

"I am an absolute failure."

"At life?"

"At following through with my plans," I corrected Jake, staring up at the sky. We were lying on the hood of his car where it was parked in the middle of the park, waiting for the fireworks to start. "I made 100 goals for this year and I might have only completed 10 correctly."

"Everybody breaks their New Year's resolutions," Jake assured me. "That's why they keep adding the one's they really care about to next year's list."

"But I was supposed to change this year Jake. I was supposed to make a complete 180 from this hateful bitch to someone that was worth getting jealous over." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Now this year is just another waste."

"But you did change, Leah."

"No I didn't. I cursed out my boss right before my Christmas break and I got fired _again. _A new and improved Leah would be able to keep a fucking job."

"You're not a bitch to me."

"That's because you're… that's because you're not an asshole to me. If the world had more people like you, I wouldn't be so pissed all of the time."

"I take that as a compliment then."

"Yeah, I guess it was." We were silent for a while. "Did you make any resolutions last year?"

"I decided I was going to start telling people how I feel."

"And you did that, right?" I looked down at him. "You told that Bella bitch that you loved her."

"That's the only thing I did," Jake confessed. "There are about a thousand people I want to tell off right now, but I didn't because I chickened out."

"New Year's Resolutions are really stupid things." It's the dumbest tradition ever if nobody actually follows through with them. It's just a waste of time thinking up a bunch of things you're never going to go to accomplish later.

"We should have brought some beer," Jake said.

"Yeah, so I could kiss my uncle again?" I shuddered. "I'm really going to stop drinking this year. Seriously."

"You'll be out celebrating with me tomorrow," Jake promised and I just nodded my head because it's probably true. "And then you're going to get really drunk and crash in my bed again."

"You threw up in my bed once so I get to sleep with you as much as you like." I scrunched my nose up. "That came out wrong."

Jake was quiet for a really long time and I looked over to see if he was asleep yet. He was staring right back at me with pensive brown eyes. I looked away and bit down on my lip before looking back up at the sky.

I really need to get laid this year.

"There's seconds left of this year," I said, looking down at my wrist watch. "Anything you want to say before 2011 is gone for good."

Jake was quiet.

"Eight…" I started counting down. "Seven… Six… Five…"

"Leah," Jake started, sitting up off the car and standing up, walking so he was in front of me. "I have to tell you something."

"Looks like you're not going to waste your resolutions after all." I smiled at him. "Three more seconds. Two…"

"I love you Leah."

I was surprised at how calmly I took that. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his lips down to mine.

_One._

-x-

**HAPPY NEW YEARS! I actually finished this as soon as they said one on the countdown. Hope you liked this.**

**~Kimiko888~**


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